


Alien Planets are not good.

by JenJo



Series: 52 Short Stories in 52 Weeks [20]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Minor Wanda Maximoff/Vision, Stony - Freeform, winterhawk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 17:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6997921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenJo/pseuds/JenJo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Okay, this looks bad.I know, I know, I say that all the time. About giant slime monsters, about no more coffee in the apartment, about forgetting to file SHIELD reports. But what if I told you, that this? This makes all of the other times look good?”<br/>.....<br/>“Well, until otherwise determined, I will be justifiably dramatic about being stuck on an alien planet.”</p>
<p>-----<br/>Eight Avengers find themselves stuck on an alien planet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alien Planets are not good.

**Author's Note:**

> Week 21: A story set on an alien planet.  
> I... sort of? There's an alien planet, at least.

“Okay, this looks bad.” Clint holds his hands up, walking backwards.  “I know, I know, I say that all the time. About giant slime monsters, about no more coffee in the apartment, about forgetting to file SHIELD reports. But what if I told you, that this?” Clint spun around in a circle, waving his arms.  “This makes  _ all  _ of the other times look good?”

Bucky shook his head, continuing to walk forward. “You’re being overdramatic.”

Clint shook his head, turning around to walk beside Bucky. “You hear that everyone?  _ I’m  _ being overdramatic. Never mind the fact that we’re stuck  _ on an alien planet _ .”

_ “In all fairness,”  _ Tony’s voice came over the comms.  _ “We don’t actually know where we are.” _

“Can you say that we’re  _ not  _ on an alien planet?” Clint asked, smile on his face. The question was met with silence. “Well, until otherwise determined, I will be  _ justifiably  _ dramatic about  _ being stuck on an alien planet.” _

_ “Hey, it could be worse.” _

“How, Stark? How could it be worse?”

_ “You could be stuck without your armour, and have a geriatric super soldier for company.” _

There was a small ‘ooh’ sound over the comms;  _ “Well that wasn’t very nice Steve.” _

_ “Be nice Tony.” _

_ “I’m always nice.” _

“Yeah, we don’t need to hear this. Besides,” Clint slung one of his arms around Bucky’s shoulders. “I’ve got my own super soldier to look after me.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but didn’t move Clint’s arm. “What’s the plan here? Because I don’t think walking aimlessly is a very good one.”

_ “What have we got to work with?”  _ Steve’s voice, sounding more serious than before.  _ “I’ve got the shield; Tony has his watch.” _

_ “That turns into a repulsor. But it won’t work for long; it’s still in prototype.” _

_ “You need to sort that out sooner rather than later.” _

“I have a quiver of arrows, and a bow,” Clint interrupted, stopping Steve and Tony from getting off track. “Bucky has… I’m going with a conservative estimate of six knives, two handguns, and five rounds of spare ammo..” Clint raised an eyebrow at Bucky. “Well?”

Bucky shrugged. “Sounds about right.”

_ “What were you two doing that meant you were so well armed?” _

_ “No, we don’t need the answer for that. Others?” _

Wanda and Natasha had two handguns with no additional ammo between them; they had been training in the tower. Vision and Pietro were unarmed.

“Wait, couldn’t Vision just fly and find us? Same with Pietro, but running.” Clint received three sighs in response.

_ “Barton, you have to have realised by now that gravity here isn’t normal.”  _ Clint agreed with Steve’s statement.  _ “Well, Pietro’s speed works on earth; who knows how it’ll work here.” _

_ “That was fun experiment. I ran straight into Vis,”  _ Pietro laughed.  _ “He has compensated for the gravity, but he say… how did you say?” _

_ “Gravity fluctuates at an unknown rate. I could fly, but the results would not be favourable.” _

_ “Alright, can anyone see any distinguishing landmarks?”  _ Steve received negative responses from everyone.  _ “Any ideas?” _

“Walk aimlessly,” Clint and Bucky said together. They shared a smile. 

“Seriously though, if we all walk towards that moon- you can all see that moon right? Yeah, let’s all walk towards that. We’ll be walking east. Hopefully this planet isn’t too big.”

For lack of any better plan, the Avengers set out towards the moon. 

  
  


**Wanda & Natasha**

 

“Your results today were good. You’re gaining more control of your powers.”

“Thank you,” Wanda whispered. The two walked side by side; at least they were dressed for action.

Natasha offered her a smile. “You know you can be proud of your progress.”

“I know,” Wanda twisted her hands together, looking at them instead of at Natasha. “I am good in practice. But real life is not practice.” She looked up at Natasha. “You understand?”

Natasha nodded. “I understand.”

“In real world, one mistake,” Wanda clicked her fingers, producing a small amount of red smoke. “Consequences. Maybe good, but more likely bad. I am too dangerous.”

Natasha stopped walking, reaching out to hold Wanda’s shoulder. “Yes, you are dangerous. But you shouldn’t be afraid. We’re all too dangerous, but that’s why we’re a team. We look out for each other, make sure we’re all good.”

Wanda nodded, putting a hand on Natasha’s. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Natasha pulled her hand away. “Come on, we’ve got some team members to save.”

“Yes. Pietro and Vision, that is an interesting combination.”

Natasha laughed along with Wanda. “That it is. They both love you, in their own ways.”

“I know,” Wanda smiled. “But together, they are dangerous.”

“To others or themselves?”

Wanda simply smiled in answer.

 

**Pietro & Vision**

 

“How much longer are we going to walk? How do people walk all the time?  _ Whycan’teveryonebefastwalkingissoslowandtiresomeweneedtospeedup- _ ”

“Pietro, while I am joyed that being on another planet hasn’t affected your ability to talk fast, it is not beneficial to our current task.”

Pietro sighed, closing his mouth audibly. “I am not child. In fact, you are the child here.”

Vision shrugged a shoulder. “I do not disagree. However, talking fast does not help us achieve our goals.”

“You need to stop spending time with Wanda. You are picking up her habit of shrugging with only one shoulder.”

“And she in turn picked it up from Natasha.”

“You  _ do  _ spend too much time with my sister.” Pietro looked thoughtfully at Vision. “What are your intentions towards my sister?”

Vision kept walking, a slight falter to his step the only indication that he had heard Pietro. “I enjoy being in your sister’s company.”

“Is that all?”

“I assume that you are looking for a specific answer to a specific question which you are refusing to speak.”

PIetro shook his head. “Now you sound like Stark.”

“Well, he is the closest thing I have to a father. It is only logical that I would sound like him.”

“You are still avoiding question.”

Vision walked in silence for a moment, before stopping and facing Pietro. “I will do nothing to harm your sister, nor will I do anything that she does not wish to.”

Pietro crossed his arms across his chest, tilting his head as he contemplated Vision’s answer. “But what do  _ you  _ want?”

“Wanda makes me feel human, much more than anyone else. I would like to explore this relationship, wherever it may lead.”

Pietro stared Vision down, before nodding, and offering a hand to shake. “I approve.”

Vision shook Pietro’s hand. “I am sure that this approval will become important at some stage.”

Pietro nodded. “Yes. When we are no longer on an alien planet.  _ Whyareweonanalienplanethowdidweeven- _ ”

Pietro stopped talking when Vision placed a hand on his shoulder. “Come, Pietro. Once we find the others, we will be able to find a way off this planet.”

 

**Steve & Tony**

 

“Why do these things always happen to us?” Tony asked Steve, who merely shook his head.

“No idea.”

“This is all your fault.”

Steve raised an eyebrow at Tony from over his shoulder. “And how do you figure that?”

“Because if you had never become Captain America, the Avengers would never had been formed, and would never have been transported to another planet. Simple logic.”

“Thank you, Captain Kirk,” Steve shook his head as he continued walking.

Tony caught up to him, eyebrows raised in surprise. “You got the quote right? I’m shocked.”

“We’ve certainly watched the film enough time, you shouldn’t be so surprised.”

“What does surprise me, is how did we get here?” Tony looked around. “And where is here?”

Steve shrugged. “I have no idea. You’re the genius in this relationship, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

Steve stopped walking when he realised that Tony was no longer next to him. Tony was standing and staring at Steve.

“What?”

“Is that what this is?”

Steve narrowed his eyes in confusion. “What?”

“I mean,” Tony closed the distance, waving his hands around  as he spoke. “I mean, first I thought that it was a throwaway line. Friendship, and all that. But then, it hit me- the signs are there, sure. But I didn’t think that it went beyond flirting and-”

Steve grabbed Tony’s hands, forcing him to look into Steve’s eyes. 

“Tony, do you have a question for me?”

Tony took a breath, letting it out. “Are we in a relationship? A romantic one?”

“Aren’t we?”

“Dammit Steve, we’re on an alien planet, separated from our team, we don’t know if we’ll ever make it back to earth. Could you just this once answer my-”

Steve stopped Tony’s rambling by pulling him into a kiss.

“Does that answer your question?” Steve asked, giving Tony a smile.

Tony opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, before raising an eyebrow in question. “Not really, no. I think you’re going to have to do that again.”

“Really?”

“Really really.”

 

**Clint & Bucky**

 

“Does this rank above or below the giant slime monster?”

“Well, what scale are we using?”

“Basic doombot to Thanos.”

“Hmm… in that case, this is definitely above giant slime monster, maybe on par with Thanos.”

“See, I was going to rank this waaay below Thanos. At least with Thanos, we’re on earth.”

“True, true. What about that time we were fighting Vampires?”

“Oh man, that was annoying. Probably below this, but above everything else, simply because of the annoyance factor.”

“What about the bees?”

“Oh, the bees! I forgot about the bees. Above the Vampires, definitely.”

 

\\\\\\\\\/////

/////\\\\\\\\\

 

About two hours into their journey, the Avengers suddenly found themselves back on earth, transported to where they had been before leaving the planet.

Steve and Tony reappeared in the living room of the Tower; Sam and Rhodey were spread out on a chair each, looking exhausted.

“Look at you two, sitting around while we’ve been on another planet,” Tony smiled. He received two equally dry looks in response.

“Next time you lot decide to leave the planet, you could at least give us some warning,” Rhodey said.

“Oh, you’ve been on another planet? That explains some things.”

“Like what, Sam?”

“Like why all the villains decided that today would be the day to attack the tower.”

Tony looked around. “I don’t see any damage.” 

“That’s because we did our job.” Sam offered a smile. “ You’re welcome, by the way.”

“War Machine and Falcon protected the tower?” Steve asked; Rhodey shrugged his shoulders.

“We had some help.”

“From who?”

“Me.” A voice said in Tony’s ear.

Tony began looking around. “Who said that?”

“This is your subconscious,” the voice said again; Sam began laughing as Tony looked everywhere.

“Alright Scott, stop messing with him.”

The next thing Tony knew, there was a man standing in front of him. “Pym,” Tony rolled his eyes.

The helmet opened, and Scott waved. “Lang, actually. Scott Lang. Nice to meet you.”

“Pym tech, right? How’s that working out for you?”

Scott shrugged, taking off his helmet. “Pretty good, actually.”

“You’re the guy who took down Sam?”

“Yeah.”

“How’d you hear about that?” Sam stood up, and looked at Tony.

“Steve told me.”

Sam turned to Steve. “Who told Steve?”

All eyes turned to Steve. “Your report was lacking, so I looked at the surveillance.”

“You looked at the surveillance.” Sam blinked, before narrowing his eyes. “How? That surveillance is locked.”

“You think I spend so much time around Tony and don’t pick up a few tricks?”

“That is far more information than I need.”

“You know, when you asked me to be an Avenger, I didn’t expect..” Scott gestured at the group. “This. Whatever this is.”

“Who asked you to be an Avenger?” Tony asked.

Scott pointed at Sam, who held up his hands. “Hey, we needed help. I knew a guy who could help. But I never asked him to be an Avenger.”

Scott shrugged. “You kinda did.”

Sam shook his head.

Scott pulled out a phone, and played a recorded  message. “Hey man, there’s a guy who knows a guy who was talking to a chick who was talking to an Avenger, and the chick told the guy who told the guy to told me to tell you that they want you to be an Avenger.”

“That isn’t even me,” Sam pointed out. “That was terrible.”

“Who even was that?”

“A friend,” Scott put away his phone. “Hey, I’d love to stay and chat, but Hank’s in my ear telling me to go see Hope. Apparently she’s busy talking to a CEO or something…”

“Hope Van Dyne is in the building?” Tony asked; Scott nodded.

“Yeah, she was helping out with protecting the Tower, then said she had some business to take care of.”

“Hope Van Dyne, is she talking to Pepper right now?”

“Hank says yes. Is this a problem?”

“How much time do you have?” Tony waved Scott over. “Come on, I’ll explain on the way.”

 

**Hope & Pepper.**

 

“It would be beneficial to both our companies if you could sign off on our trade.”

Hope was still in her Wasp outfit; Pepper had only removed the helmet of her Rescue armour. 

“As I am sure that you are aware, I cannot sign off on the trade. I am not CEO. You, on the other hand, could expedite matters by allowing Pym Tech to rebuild its headquarters on that land which Stark Industries is not using.”

“Not currently using, no. However, we have several plans to develop the site-”

“You and I both know that the site is not going to be developed by Stark Industries. You are deliberately stopping Pym Tech from rebuilding.”

“When Stark Industries acquired the land, we were not to know that Pym Tech would want to use it.”

“Obviously we would want to. Our headquarters were reduced to rubble.”

“Which was entirely at the fault of your CEO.”

“Former CEO. He has since.. Resigned.”

“Resigned? Is that what we’re calling it?”

“Remind me again what happened to Obadiah Stane?”

Pepper smiled at Hope. “It has been far too long. You free for lunch tomorrow?”

Hope laughed. “Definitely. Been to that Mexican place lately?”

“Unfortunately, I think the last time was with you. We should rectify that.”

 

**Scott & Tony**

**Pepper & Tony**

 

“So, they went to university at the same time. Even applied to a couple of the same jobs. Hope was hired at Pym Tech, while Pepper was hired at Stark. They’ve always had a friendly rivalry. And now that they’re both spending time saving the world, that competitive rivalry has escalated.”

“But I saw them in action today, they were amazing. Like they had been fighting together for years… Oh.”

Tony nodded. “Right. You understand.”

“Yeah. Wow. So when do we become real Avengers?”

Tony shrugged. “Not up to me.”

“Who is it up to then?”

Tony stood still, thinking. “I… don’t actually think we have a system in place.”

“Then how’d everyone else become Avengers?”

“There was the original six. Then Rhodey and Sam. Then the Twins and Vision. Then Bucky wouldn’t leave Clint’s side, so he became an Avenger.”

“So if I just hang around for long enough?”

Tony shrugged. “Probably become an Avenger, yeah.”

“Seems to me like you should think about putting in official channels for this sort of thing.”

“Probably. Are any of us officially Avengers?”

“No. You’re not.”

“Actually, there are, officially, seven Avengers,” Pepper had opened the door to her office. “And four reserve Avengers. Officially.”

“There are? How would I go about becoming an Official Avenger then?”

“You don’t Scott,” Hope followed Pepper out of the office. “They contact you, when the time is right. Which was not today. Today was an extenuating circumstance.”

“Exactly. Always nice seeing you again Hope.”

“Likewise Pepper. I’ll see you tomorrow. Tony,” Hope gave Tony a hug. “Always nice to see you again.” She then turned to Scott. “Come on Scott, let’s get back before Hank yells your ear off too badly.”

Pepper and Tony watched the pair to the elevator, before looking at each other. “So, you and Steve?”

Tony looked off to the side. “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Natasha messaged me as soon as you were back on the planet.”

Tony sighed, hanging his head. “Yes, me and Steve. Surprised?”

Pepper shook her head. “Anyone can see that you’re a good match for each other.”

Tony laughed. “Anyone except me, apparently. Was it really so obvious?”

Pepper simply nodded.

 

**Bucky & Clint**

**( & Kate)**

“I don’t believe you.”

Kate sat on the couch with her arms crossed; Lucky lay next to her. Clint sat on the coffee table, while Bucky made everyone coffee.

“Is this really the weirdest thing you’ve ever heard?” Clint asked, eyebrows raised.

Kate didn’t move. “I still don’t believe you.”

“Your girlfriend can punch through reality, but you can’t believe that we went to another planet?”

Kate shook her head. “Nope.”

“You’re trouble, Hawkeye.”

“Right back at you, Hawkeye.”

The pair sat in silence, staring at each other. Lucky moved from the couch, disappearing from the room. (Probably to take up residence in Clint and Bucky’s bed.)

“You know she’s doing this to get a rise out of you, right?” Bucky asked as he handed over the mugs of coffee, sitting where Lucky had been moments before.

“Spoilsport,” Kate muttered as she drank her coffee.

“You love me,” Bucky replied as Kate rolled her eyes.

“Like I said, you’re trouble.”

Bucky snorted, looking back at Clint. “Being trouble is a prerequisite of being a Hawkeye, Clint.”

Kate burst out laughing as Clint opened and closed his mouth in shock.

“You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I’m on my side,” Bucky smirked. “And the side of the best Hawkeye.”

When Kate held up her hand for a fist pump, Bucky obliged. Kate, being the grown up that she was, stuck out her tongue at Clint.

“Ha.”

“I feel so betrayed right now.”

“Don’t worry, once Kate leaves, I’ll show you just how much I appreciate you,” Bucky stage whispered, causing Kate to choke on her coffee while Clint laughed. 

**Author's Note:**

> How'd my ridiculousness go? Let me know your thoughts.  
> See you all next week.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)  
> You're all awesome


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